Greetings from (currently) sunny Vermont!

Yesterday my son woke up with this weird and nasty looking rash on his shoulder so we decided to take him to a doctor.  As we’re up in the small hamlet of Bondville it took a while to track down someone to go to and being the big city folks we are, we became concerned that the skill of the hick doctor might not be up to snuff and maybe we’d be better off just calling our local doctor at home.  (I sort of had a Doc Baker from Little House image in mind and that he would want to apply a bread poultice to it or some leeches or something).

When we arrived there we were surprised to discover that the Doctor was actually a professor emeritus of Harvard/Deaconess hospital!  You see, that seemed impossible to me as I was only able to see the situation through my “snob” colored glasses.

How often do we judge people or situations way before we really have any facts about them?  Pretty often I’d say.  How many people do we sum up as being this way or that without even having a conversation with them?  The truth is that we are so accustomed to acting this way that it’s become second nature…we hardly even give it a thought.  But if you’re interested in learning something about yourself, take note of the number of people and circumstances that you deem “bad, annoying, stupid, exasperating, etc” as well as the opposite.  The way we judge is the way that we view ourselves.

In psychology it’s called projection and in Torah parlance it’s called “kol ha pasul, b’mumo pasul” (everyone who disparages others, disparages themselves) or as I recently read, “if you spot it, you got it”.  Happy people tend to think that things basically work out and view others as basically good.  Less happy people are always on the lookout for how others are conniving or incompetent and tend to see everything as going wrong.

The Mishna in Ethics of our Fathers teaches us to be “dan l’kol echad l’kaf zechut” (to judge everyone favorably).  Rebbe Nachman, the founder of Breslov Chassidut even applies this to those who are totally evil!  So whether you do it because it is spiritually and psychologically beneficial, because it’s pragmatic or because in the end it’s a nicer and more satisfying way to live, now is the right time to work on it. How should we start?  By recognizing that when we start tensing up with that “I hate you” feeling, have a good long look at yourself first and see if you don’t have the exact same issue.

If anyone is interested in learning more about this topic please email me at ajacobs@aish.com.  In the mean time here’s one of those short videos with poignant music and nice pictures.